Sorry about the long hiatus, folks, but I kind of lost my drive to write. The good news is, I did regain my drive to screenwrite, and I’ve got a solid idea progressing nicely.
It occurred to me that a major obstacle to the success of this blog is the lack of variety in articles. Sure, we’ve got reviews and the ‘Elements’ series, but what about top-tens and other die hard blog tropes? Ain’t nothing wrong with a good trope. So, here we go. My top ten favorite directors. Minus the numbers one expects from such things.
Spielberg shades his eyes because they're too bright for you. Hence the hat, even without the glasses.
Here’s the why. He made ‘Raiders’, ‘Close Encounters’, ‘Saving Private Ryan’, ‘Jaws’, and your mother’s amazing plasticine face.
I think he's an accomplished actor, too. Didn't he play a James Bond villain at one point...? No?
Here’s the why. He saved Batman’s batfilm batexistence batfrom bathell. He’s really good at screwing with your mind, even in relatively straightforward movies like ‘The Dark Knight’. On the extreme end of intentional mindscrews, of course, is ‘Memento’, which is referenced in way too many screenwriting books. C’mon, people, we’re novices, if we’re reading your book looking for advice, don’t mock us with a challenge to repaint the Mona Lisa. Also, Christopher Nolan is the only fellow I would trust to remake ‘Blade Runner’.
That's the German three.
Here’s the why. Quentin cares enough about his stories that he lets them gestate for ridiculous periods of time. That way, he doesn’t rely on formula, but delivers a compelling and original story that breaks a lot of “rules” and yet somehow still works.
Here’s the why. He directed ‘The Lord of the Rings’ trilogy, which kicked everybody’s ass, except J.R.R. Tolkien himself, who was on the moon fighting vampires when it was released. Mr. Jackson has since lost a lot of girth and become a Hollywood heavyweight, shepherding up-and-coming directors and projects, like Neill Blomkamps’ ‘District 9’, which was like the ’80s sci-fi craze had come back to life with a blood transfusion from Jason Bourne. So he’s got that going for him.
He is not clueless. Merely geeked the heck out.
Here’s the why. He’s great at fusing genre films with solid, emotional stories. Sometimes too good. I didn’t expect the opening of ‘Mission: Impossible III’ to be nearly as traumatizing as it was, but that’s okay.
Nobody does it better...
Here’s the why. Hitchcock represents the majority of exposure pretty much anyone has to the silent era and its powerful ‘show, don’t tell’ ethos. Thanks to this training as a silent film director, Hitch kicks lots of ass in the suspense department, and his stuff is really memorable. Every suspense movie, ever, is compared to Hitch. Not to his movies, no, to the man himself. Why is he laughing in that photo? Why? Why!?
Let's see... Bird pun... Bird pun...
Here’s the why. Brad Bird is another fellow who can blend genre with emotional, original story. So far, his works have been fantastic animated movies, such as ‘The Iron Giant’, and Pixar’s ‘The Incredibles’ and ‘Ratatouille’, but he may be making his first foray into live action soon. Whatever the case, Brad Bird’s imagination is sure to soar. Ha. Ha.
If he looks fazed it's only because he spent all his energy making THE BEST MOVIES EVER
Here’s the why. Sergio Leone is the godfather of the Spaghetti Western subgenre. Since he’s passed away, there’s no point in making Spaghetti Westerns anymore. Unless you’re Quentin Tarantino or something.
This is what happens when you put out the fire with gasoline.
Here’s the why. He directed ‘Moon’, the best sci-fi film of 2009. Strangely, he’s David Bowie’s son. Sure, this guy’s new, but he’s awesome and he looks to be building a sweet sci-fi series.
How dare you, Tim. I used to hate your movies. Who do you think you are? Get out. You misfit, you.
Here’s the why. He’s quirky. He’s got scissors for hands. He was not permitted to eat sweets as a child — because his father was (not) Christopher Lee. His movies are bizzare. I don’t like the ‘Nightmare Before Christmas’. I do love ‘Batman’. Why, Tim? Why do I admire you, so?
And, that’s my top ten. Patrick should be coming out with his soon. Very soon. You hear that, Patrick? WRITE THE DAMN LIST.
What? Oh, okay. Bye for now.